“There is only powerful and positive change waiting to be experienced, transforming mind, body and soul to reach higher levels of consciousness and love. The death of yesterday is a birth of today.” -Unknown
Today is Easter, and for the most part, it’s been more of a religious holiday in my life rather than a Hallmark one (the large bunny costumes often freak me out). The story of Jesus defying death, and the women that got to shout that from the rooftops, the idea of new life and forgiveness and a Jewish hippie that opened his arms to anything and anyone, and then kicked the darkness right in the ass, always brings an image of absolute sunshine to my mind.
But I am going through quite the rebirth in my life as well. I can’t help but think of all the changes that are upon me and my family, and how on the other side of some stuff that feels scary and uncertain, there is LOTS and LOTS of sunshine.
In an effort to be brave and authentic, this is the absolute truth about where I’m at: I LOVE being a mama, but it has taken such a huge toll on my emotional and physical health. I love being a teacher, but it has also taken a gigantic toll on my emotional and physical health. I’m an introvert, but I’ve spent my life believing I was an extrovert. I’m a recently-self-identified Empath (more on that later, but suffice it to say it can be overwhelming). My house is always messy, my laundry is never fully done, my kid probably watches more TV than he “should” and I cry a lot. A LOT. Oh, and I eat a lot of Goldfish crackers. Duh.
We are swimming through it. We’re digging in and just doing life. Because there is SO MUCH JOY to be had. And I’m being given grace at every turn.
You guys, I did a scary thing last week. I resigned from teaching. It’s a career I’ve loved for over ten years and I’ve even gotten pretty good at it (most days). But in an effort to strip my life of things that don’t feel like me anymore, I had to say goodbye.
I also went to a Naturopath (more on that in a later post). This was life-changing for me – and I promise I don’t say that lightly. She did a full blood work-up and let’s just say that it’s more and more obvious how the stress and anxiety in my life is affecting the physical makeup of my body. But I also learned that my hormones – just by the luck of the draw – are suuuuuuuper low. Which, you know, affects all the things. So I’m on the path to restoring alllllll the hormones and Vitamin D (yes, also extremely low in that, no surprise).
Here’s my point: Between looking at the things going on in my life that affect my mood, my energy level, my ability to contribute around the house, my parenting, my ability to be an amazing partner to Mitch, AND looking at the actual chemistry of stuff happening in my body, it’s obvious that some big changes are needed.
So here I am. Writing, walking away from my job, making one healthy choice at a time (and I don’t just mean by adding Kale to the menu more often), and finding all the things in the world that feel like me.
I don’t think I’ve ever really done that before – rid myself of all the things that I carry around that aren’t actually mine to carry. Or the ones that don’t serve me – those are bitches too.
When I think about Jesus moving that big ass rock so he could get out of that tomb after rising from the dead, I am reminded of all the boulders I’m moving in my life so that I can become the truest version of me.
I’m excited to share some of my journey with you, in hopes that if nothing else, you know that you’re not alone.