27 Thoughts a Mom has on a Solo Trip to Target

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1. Okay parking Gods, open up a spot near a cart return.

2. But WHY the big red balls?

3. Okay Claire, JUST the stuff on your list. Diapers, kid snacks and the baby shower gift.

4. Should I stop at the Dollar Spot? No. Not on my list. Oh shit, clipboards! Fake succulents! Water bottles! TAKE ALL MY MONEY.

5. Stick to your list, Claire. **Puts a couple fake succulents in the cart

6. STARBUCKS.

7. Oh look, there’s the Chip and Jo collection. Do I need another set of nesting houses? Obviously.

8. OMG look at that WREATH! Need.

9. Okay so I probably need a new tote. This backpack/diaper bag is just not cute enough. Wait, but the shoulder bag isn’t practical when I have to chase the toddler around the park. BUT IT’S MY FAVORITE COLOR. I’ll just use it when I go out without the baby.

10. Ummm ROSE GOLD KITCHEN UTENSILS? I’ll take the whole set, K thanks.

11. Phone cases are on sale! What the hell is a pop socket? Can I still mount it in my car if there is a pop socket? Because I can’t afford a texting and driving ticket.

12. I’m hungry. I have goldfish in my purse!!! YES! **Watches Moana on the TV in the electronics section for ten minutes while eating toddler snacks from purse

13. Oh! I heard that book was really good. It has “badass” in the title. That’s me. Duh. I probably don’t have time to read it. Need.

14. STOP WITH THE CUTEST TODDLER SUMMER CLOTHES EVER. And they’re on sale!??!?! Need.

15. He probably needs this baby fedora too.

16. ALL THE CANDY.

17. Do we need a new vacuum? Someday we’ll own a Dyson. Or a Roomba. Or little woodland animals will come to clean my house.

18. NEW STATIONARY! Claire, you barely even send RSVPs in the mail. Need.

19. SWEATERS ON SALE? Need.

20. I should probably head to check out. Wait did I get everything on my list?

21. Oh well, I’ll just order it on Amazon Prime.

22. Gum! Need.

23. THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS?!?!?!? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? I’ll have to wait until tomorrow when Mitch isn’t home to bring up all the bags.

24. Why do I pay for a therapist when I could just do this every day?

25. I’m not even mad.

26. I think I found my people in there. All in leggings, drinking coffee, carrying over the shoulder, practical bags.

27. See you soon, big red balls.